Email to my therapist

“I used to worry that you’d think I’m dependent. I used to worry that you’d feel I loved you too much. Or that I loved you in the wrong kind of love for this relationship. Or indeed I used to worry that you wouldn’t want me to love you at all. That love is wrong, even though it’s entirely natural. It’s bonding.

But I don’t worry about those things anymore. I love you just in the way I love you and that can’t be wrong. It can’t be because it’s just a genuine feeling coming from a genuine safe relationship. No emotion coming from a genuine SAFE relationship can ever be wrong. The attachment is healthy therefore the feelings are healthy. End of. In my mind anyway.


Undoubtedly my first experience of genuine safe love. Undoubtedly. Mind blowing. Maybe when you first started working with me you didn’t anticipate it, maybe you did, but you’ve utterly transformed my life. I just…. How could I not love you for that? And by that I mean love YOU for that. Not love you FOR THAT. There’s a difference there. A big one.”

I felt this was a really important point to share for those of us navigating therapy relationships. The idea of loving and being loved in return is a cause of confusion for many. Me included, for a long time. But now I just think: I feel the way I feel. Nothing and no one will tell me the way I feel is wrong.

I feel I love her and I feel she loves me. Therefore, it’s true. It’s not what is said that is important. It’s what is felt.

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