A month since I wrote here.
Three years since I started with K.
Doesn’t time fly?
She brought it up today. I’d completely forgotten! Sat on the towel that I placed down so she didn’t get her coat dirty on the weird makeshift hut we had found in the woods, my heart melted to hear her say it’s our anniversary this month!
How the hell did you remember that, I asked. Usually I would hold onto anniversary dates of special people very much but with the richness of social connections in my life just growing exponentially, these things I would usually grip on for dear life to prove that I am someone, get dropped from my brain. Replaced by normal everyday connection.
It means so much to me that you remembered that I said, unable to stop the warmth I felt in my heart spreading across my face. And of course what followed was a discussion of just how much I’ve changed in the three years we’ve been working together.
The biggest signifier of that would probably be the banana.
Today was the first time in three years I’ve been able to eat in front of K. It took a little encouragement on her part, but before I left the house I asked her if she wanted a banana, letting her know that today I was ready to face that challenge.
Apparently now, on our actual anniversary at the end of this month, we will be having lunch.
A big step up from a measley banana. If I don’t think too hard I can do it. Maybe. Perhaps. Gulp.
Three years ago just sat in her presence made me burn with anxiety. Now I’m managing food with her, whilst sat talking about dating and sex. I owe her my life. She said today, when I first saw her 3 years ago, I would talk about having had a breakdown the year previous, but she reckons I was still in it. I was just in pieces. A shell of who I am now.
I am a functioning human now.